Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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