1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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