We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
