Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
