Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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