you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
