dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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