btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
