I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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