Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
