That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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