she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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