So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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