i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
