Do you still have your period?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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