So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
