and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
zippers are such a cool invention
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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