In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
