i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
