guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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