I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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