I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
