Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
