now i know why i became what i already was.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
