i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
