grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize