I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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