I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
