she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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