Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
