i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
