Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
