My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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