On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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