How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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