Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
