i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
