trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
