He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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