Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
