you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hippo gnu deer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
