Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
