Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
