ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
