just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
