someone owes me an orgasm
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Still dying that you shit outside
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize