Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
