Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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