wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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