I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
