my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
