ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
