This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize