If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
