Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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