Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love you.
Bad choice
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