The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
