Got a toothbrush?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize