my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
