End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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