I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
