I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
