Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
