Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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