man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
