I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
