Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
