the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
