I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
