Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
