i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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