I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
