i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
