i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
