I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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