im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
