you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
