The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
