Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
