I got chris browned last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sober January is a disaster.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
