i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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