i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
