You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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