At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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