this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
