Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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