wat bout pragnant strippers??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A bitchslap is in order.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
